Posted with the permission of Serge Kahili King - Copyright Aloha International
Kahili Writer: Time to start.
Kahili Writer: Aloha welina kakou. E ho'omaika'i i keia la, i keia hale, a me i keia po'e manu - Greetings to all of you. Bless this day, this space and all these people gathered here. Let's begin with a story.
Kahili Writer: I ka wa kahiko, ma mua o Kapena Kuke - Once upon a time, before Captain Cook, there lived a chief on the island of Hawaii whose name was Ku'i, and he was devoted to Ku, the god of war.
Kahili Writer: Ku'i was very strong, very muscular, and famous throughout the islands for his skill at boxing.
Kahili Writer: Ancient Hawaiian boxing was somewhat different from modern boxing.
Kahili Writer: During a match, two men would face each othe wearing only malos, a type of breechclout. In that sense they did resemble modern boxers.
Kahili Writer: However, they did not wear gloves, they did not feint or try to protect their face or body with their hands or arms, and they did not do any fancy footwork.
Kahili Writer: Instead, they stretched out their arms, clenched their fists, and hammered away at each other until one of them fell down. And Ku'i had never been beaten.
Kahili Writer: Ku'i had a very strong body, and very strong emotions. He was quick to love and quick to help a friend.
Kahili Writer: He was also quick to get angry, quick to take offense, and quick to retaliate when he felt he had been wronged.
Kahili Writer: Because of his fame, his strength, and his skill there were many women who wanted him for a lover or a husband, but one day he met a woman who loved him for the good qualities she saw inside him.
Kahili Writer: We will call her Naniloa, for she was very beautiful in mind, body, and spirit.
Kahili Writer: Ku'i and Naniloa were married and all the people were very happy, because she seemed to be able to calm the chief and make him happier, too.
Kahili Writer: Unfortunately, Ku'i had enemies within his own court, those who were jealous of his fame, his skill, and especially of his beautiful young wife.
Kahili Writer: So rumors were begun that Naniloa was being unfaithful to Ku'i with other, younger chiefs.
Kahili Writer: At first Ku'i would not listen, then he started to doubt, and finally he became convinced that it might be true, and his anger grew like a boil.
Kahili Writer: In those days the people of Hawaii celebrated the end of an old year and the beginning of a new one at a festival in the Fall called Makahiki, "year."
Kahili Writer: At that time all they did was feast and play a few simple games like konane.
Kahili Writer: Konane is a board game somewhat like checkers with black and white pieces that are jumped and removed.
Kahili Writer: During one Makahiki festival Ku'i was playing konane with his wife.
Kahili Writer: While Naniloa and Ku'i were playing, a handsome young chief, innocent and friendly, stood beside Naniloa, pointed at the board, and said, "Place that one and remove that one."
Kahili Writer: Instantly Ku'i's hidden anger burst to surface. In his jealous state it sounded like the young chief was telling his wife to get rid of her husband and take him instead.
Kahili Writer: One massive fist of Ku'i struck out and killed the young chief right there. "So that was your lover!" he roared at his wife.
Kahili Writer: "No, no, I have no lover but you!" cried Naniloa. "You lie!" screamed Ku'i and with his other fist he struck his wife and killed her, too.
Kahili Writer: The others at the festival were shocked into silence. Long moments passed until the rage of Ku'i burned itself out and he realized what he had done.
Kahili Writer: With a loud, deep groan that startled the birds from the trees, Ku'i stood up and went mad with grief. He tore off his clothes and ran naked into the wilderness.
Kahili Writer: For many months he wandered the wilderness, challenging any man he met to a boxing match and killed many.
Kahili Writer: Finally, the day came when Ku'i, still blinded by profound grief and painful regret, had just challenged someone and was about to deliver the killing blow when his aumakua - his higher self - was finally able to reach and open his heart.
Kahili Writer: In that moment his mind cleared and he realized that he had been about to kill a very young and frightened girl who resembled his dead wife.
Kahili Writer: With another great groan he fell to his knees and begged her forgiveness.
Kahili Writer: "It is not for me to forgive, but for you to forgive yourself and make what restitution you can," she said, speaking the words of the chief's aumakua.
Kahili Writer: Realizing the value of her words, Ku'i went back to his court and resumed his chiefly role.
Kahili Writer: He arranged to support all the families of those he had killed from his own tax income and changed his allegiance from the war god, Ku, to the god of peace and agriculture, Lono.
Kahili Writer: It was he who turned the Makahiki festival into a four-month period of peace, and he who honored his wife by turning war games into games of sport.
Kahili Writer: And to honor him, the people gave him the name "Lonoikamakahiki."
Kahili Writer: Pipiholo ke ka'ao - So runs the tale
Kahili Writer: Now we'll discuss the topic of this session...
Kahili Writer: How to get rid of guilt and shame
Kahili Writer: We feel guilty or ashamed because of things we have done that we believe are wrong. One solution is to decide that what we did was not wrong.
Kahili Writer: Of course, this requires that you can believe that, or convince yourself.
Kahili Writer: Many people feel guilt over things they did because others blame them.
Kahili Writer: This often happens with people who have suffered abuse as a child
Kahili Writer: It can happen also with children who think it is their responsibility to keep their parents happy.
Kahili Writer: As an adult it is worthwhile to examine these ideas and change them if possible.
Kahili Writer: Another solution is to forgive yourself what what you did.
Kahili Writer: Other people may forgive you, but that never helps unless you forgive yourself also.
Kahili Writer: To forgive yourself means to change your mind about what happened in some way that changes your feelings of guilt or shame.
Kahili Writer: Sometimes enough punishment will do that, but it doesn't have to be physical.
Kahili Writer: I helped one man to imagine he was being tried in court, found guilty, and punished so severely that he was able to accept that he had been punished sufficiently and could forgive himself.
Kahili Writer: The main thing with this, however you do it, is to finally forgive yourself.
Kahili Writer: Another way: Instead of focusing on feeling guilty, which will not do you or anyone else any good, focus on doing something to correct the wrong.
Kahili Writer: This is the idea of restitution, and was part of the ancient ho'oponopono process in Hawaii.
Kahili Writer: Sometimes you cannot help those you may have hurt directly,
Kahili Writer: but you can help others in their place.
Kahili Writer: This is what Lonoikamakahiki did in the story.
Kahili Writer: Another solution: The past is only a memory, the future is only a guess. Live in the present with as much goodness as you can.
Kahili Writer: When you are fully in the present, the past is not an issue.
Kahili Writer: Guilt and shame only come from dwelling on memories.
Kahili Writer: Interestingly, in Hawaiian language there are words for guilt and shame,
Kahili Writer: but they do not refer to the feelings,
Kahili Writer: only the the state of being guilty for something or the action of withdrawal from embarrassment
Kahili Writer: Solution 5: Love something or someone good with all your heart so there is no time room for guilt or shame.
Kahili Writer: or room
Kahili Writer: Some people devote themselves to a worthy cause for this.
Kahili Writer: Solution 6: You did what you did, and you can do what you can do. At the time, in that moment, you did the only thing you could do, regardless of what you think now about it.
Kahili Writer: Instead of spending time on regret, change your thoughts and actions.
Kahili Writer: Finally, use imagination, Huna techniques, and whatever you can learn to heal the memories and help others.
Kahili Writer: For instance, Dynamind is an excellent technique for changing the feelings of guilt and shame in minutes or less.
Kahili Writer: After all, the feelings are the real problem.
Kahili Writer: So there are some ideas. Any questions or comments?
Mairose Floresby: Very potent stuff. Good solutions, thank you for sharing this wisdom. The being in the present feels so loving. ? Mahalo. I was wondering about the punishment in your mind-thing: Won't you just go on punishing youself everytime you do something you perceive as "wrong" if you don't change the rule or pattern itself? That could go on forever?
Kahili Writer: The punishment thing would only be for something you thought was seriously wrong....
Mairose Floresby: ok
Kahili Writer: If you feel a need to punish yourself for every little imperfect thing you do you need self esteem practice
Kahuna Cioc: Are the feelings of guilt and shame always inappropriate or unnecessary?
Kahu Akina: with solution 5, total distraction, unless this is done really successfully isn;tthat just supressing the guilt?
Mairose Floresby: The feelings are the real problem you say, what about the actions of killing?
Lehua Whiteberry: Could guilt and shame be the way our higher selves left us know that we've done wrong?
Kahili Writer: Not always, not if they result in positive change.
Kahuna Cioc: Great way to express it - Mahalo
Kahili Writer: We don't need the ongoing feelings of guilt or shame. A moment is enough to let us know.
Lehua Whiteberry: Do the stirrings of our conscience come from the aumakua?
Mairose Floresby: "intentional harm" as evil -
Kahuna Cioc: so you get the feeling and then do something positive about it instead of wallowing in the 'feeling'
Kahili Writer: Back to the distraction first: if it is to distract, it won't work. If it is to change oneself, it will.
Mairose Floresby: that sounds good.
Kahili Writer: Yes, Kahuna
Kahili Writer: Lehua, the stirrings can come from aumakua, or memories of right and wrong rults.
Kahili Writer: rule
Lehua Whiteberry: It seems on the surface that people can just do wrong without consequences if they just forgive themself.
Myriam Fairey: to Lehua's question: does it make a difference if it comes from Aumakua or Ku (memories about right and wrong)?
Amorah Oryl: The story tells of the power through the aunakua to understand deeply and then to change action to do good.
Kahili Writer: Myr, only if the memory rules are not appropriate, like the abuse thing.
Allia Benelli: /maybe conscience and guilt are two different things. One does not have to feel bad about oneself in order to be uncomfortable and know that a different path is desired.
Myriam Fairey: ok, thanks
Kahili Writer: Right, Allia, and Amorah
Kahuna Cioc: So the feelings in themselves are not wrong, they simply require an appropriate response otherwise we get stuck in them
Amorah Oryl: It is the action out of the understanding
Mairose Floresby: I would like to help heal as you suggestted. Is there any effective ways of getting people to forgive themselves when they don't want to?
jos Naidoo: What could ku'i do for not to kieel the young chief and her wife?
jos Naidoo: kill
Mairose Floresby: When they think they are unworthy of it?
Kahili Writer: Yes, Kahuna. Feelings are just feelings, a kind of communication from your Ku.
Kahili Writer: Mai, nope. Unless you can persuade them that it's a good thing to do.
Kahuna Cioc: Sorry - just clarifying because I think the same could be said for other 'negative' emotions
Kahili Writer: jos, he would have had to think differently about himself beforehand.
Kahu Akina: I use symbolix healing in those situations Mai
Mairose Floresby: free will is a bugger
)
Kahili Writer: ?
Allia Benelli: I think that free will allows for more creativity
Kahili Writer: Sure Allia, and more responsibility
Mairose Floresby: You mentioned in Urban Shaman how Ku is always perceptive towards suggestions of pleasure...
Kahili Writer: Right.
Mairose Floresby: Could one not make forgiveness seem very pleasurable?
Kahili Writer: Of course one could.
Mairose Floresby: ? thanks
Amorah Oryl: The chief did not inordinate spend time on guilt and grief, but turned to action to make right what had been wrong within himself once he knew it.
Kahili Writer: If you can figure out how.
Mairose Floresby:
)))
Allia Benelli: It is the responsibility and consequences that we are so afraid of
Kahili Writer: Well, Amorah, he did spend months at it before changing.
Amorah Oryl: Yes, not inordinate, but oprdinate
Kahili Writer: Yes, Allia, which is the reason why we emphasize continuous training in self esteem and self confidence.
Amorah Oryl: Some people spend a lifetime on guilt and grief.
Mairose Floresby: we have infinite worth
))
Kahili Writer: Unfortunately.
Kahili Writer: Whoops, that was for Amorah
Mairose Floresby: lol
Lehua Whiteberry: Do abused children have more trouble forgiving themselves because they have internalized their shame?
Kahili Writer: I think it is more because of low self esteem.
Lehua Whiteberry: They don't believe themselves to be worth forgiving?
Kahili Writer: I know many people who were abused and have turned into healthy adults.
Lehua Whiteberry: Always possible!
Kahili Writer: I'd say yes, Lehua
Mairose Floresby: Yes ?
Allia Benelli: /Re abuse - patterns become more reactive and less subjective to change by the mind when they are instilled with physical pain
Allia Benelli: Which is a good argument for not spanking children
Amorah Oryl: It only serves victimhood beyond understanding and on to action.
Lehua Whiteberry: Or repeated emtional pokes
Kahili Writer: Again, Allia, that depends on self esteem.
Allia Benelli: and yes to the health adults!
Allia Benelli: Some have turned into wonderful and inspiring people
Kahili Writer: I was spanked and I turned out okay.
Allia Benelli: healthy
jos Naidoo: What about if you forgive yourself and others don´t forget you? Could be a possibility?
Allia Benelli: lol
Mairose Floresby: Aloha Serge
Lehua Whiteberry: I was spanked and I became fearful.
Allia Benelli: are you promoting spanking?
Amorah Oryl: I am saying the perpetrator, in the case the chief, was the victim.
Kahili Writer: I didn't say anything about promoting spanking.
Allia Benelli: yes, I see
Lehua Whiteberry: Our reactions to the same thing vary depending on where we are in our thinking.
Mairose Floresby: änd choices?
Lehua Whiteberry: I'm a healthy and happy adult today.
Lehua Whiteberry:
Kahuna Cioc: The world is what we think it is
Kahili Writer: jos, you can't control what others think about you, but you can influence it.
Amorah Oryl: True
Myriam Fairey: isn't that also an indicator of how good you have really forgiven yourself, I mean - the world is what you think it is
jos Naidoo: okay, I understand that it can be then
Myriam Fairey: and reactions from others are included in that too
Kahili Writer: Myr, yes. The world tends to think of you the way you think about yourself.
Sidona Donogal: what is the best to support people to get out of denial in your experience? when they say their past has no influence on them at all and in reality it is huge?
Amorah Oryl: Then there was the doubt that the chief grow
Amorah Oryl: let grow
Farmer Eames: Myr you can change either internal or external reality and get good results both ways
Kahili Writer: Sid, there has to be enough pain to make them want to change, unfortunately.
Mairose Floresby: argh
Sidona Donogal: yes, thank you Kahili, right
Amorah Oryl: Yes, the chief had to prove himself, a victim of low self esteem.
Kahili Writer: Yes, Amorah.
Kahili Writer: Well, this was a very good session. Thanks to all of you. Let's go out to the Eye and do some healing.
Kahili Writer: Aumakua, aloha, Mahalo. Let's focus first on healing for Heinani. Use your aura if you want to.
Kahili Writer: And sit or stand.
Kahuna Cioc is Offline
Kahili Writer: Now for the survivors of the Pakistan floods.
Lehua Whiteberry: I'd like to ask for healing for the people of Kauai after a recent murder on the island.
Kahili Writer: Anyone or anything else?
Kealoha Huet: Heinani sends her aloha and mahalo
Amorah Oryl: Healing for Elizabeth
Kealoha Huet: for Jon , John & c
Kahili Writer: Amama, ua noa, lele wale aku la - So be it, it is done, let our prayers fly off and manifest.
Lehua Whiteberry: Amama
Mairose Floresby: Amama. Mahalo.
Kealoha Huet: Amama
Kahuna Cioc: Amama
Naanaa Albatros: Amama
Sidona Donogal: Amama. Mahalo
Farmer Eames: Amama
Manuhu Dreamscape: Amama
Myriam Fairey: mahalo
Kahu Akina: amama
Kahuna Cioc: Aloha Nui Loa
Mairose Floresby: Anyone who would like to dance Hei a healing hula?
Lehua Whiteberry: Sure!
Allia Benelli: Thank you all for the healing. Aloha and mahalo
